There are so many, I have not mentioned ie. Super Gran and Disney Dad so would love to hear about any others. I have on many occasions now that I am no longer the AOP mum wanted to just ask random strangers in the playground how they see me but apparently other than seeming batshit crazy it is not really a conversation starter. So instead I spend much time observing being anti social and thinking that school runs are harder as a parent because none of this shit that goes on in the playground amongst adults never happened when I actually attended as a pupil myself.
AOP Always on phone because she finds this is the only way to stop her anxiety level reaching the point of giving her heart attack or this is their way of saying I have no desire to be friends with any of you.
FAVOUR Scans the playground for eye contact/smile and will slide up to ask how you are before asking for a favour, there will always be some major drama going on that they need a favour, the more you allow them to talk the more dramatic the reasons become.
DOT Life is just one competitive ache and pain. If she were an animal, the vet would put them out of their misery. If you have a headache then they will have had their head fallen off and sown back on. The only way to win from having the life sucked out of you is to mention about your current diagnosis, of Chlamydia and Herpes, which has caused the onset of oral thrush and threadworms. (This is the point to start foaming at the mouth and scratching your arse)
GOBSHITE Self explanatory
GYM PANTS Always in yoga pants and trainers with immaculate makeup. You have tried every diet going, been to every sliming club possible, and failed yet when you stand next to gym pants and her perky arse she has this power to stop you eating that chocolate bar. You only stand next to her in the hope that she reveals her secret liposuction place she visits has a bakery next to it.
JAM MAKER Pretentious mother earth not the real one like Sky, image is everything as this gives her powers to look down on you. Also, know to be a social climber will seek out only those that can boost her mother powers to one day rule the world. Will promote her children at any given opportunity ie. If your child’s party she will find a way to promote her children into the limelight. Oh little Tarquin will never do wrong especially to your child. Jam Maker is pushing to have weekly assemblies where as all other parents and children can applaud Jam Makers child’s achievements in & out of school.
JULIE See Glossary Julie
MAFIA You keep expecting Julie Andrews to pop out from behind singing ‘the hills are alive with the sound of music’ as she has that many children who always seem well turned out. You have seen Mafia mum talk to all sorts, heard many tales of acts of kindness and the loyalty she shows to those close along with the no tolerance for twats. Mafia mum has one problem (although not for her) and it is not the gin you hope she swigging from that water bottle that makes her appear sane, it is her resting bitch face (RBF = Resting bitch face) see glossary). If you ever get to be friends with mafia mum you will have a true friend for life she will be there through the good and bad, she will be honest and not sugar coat things but will always have best intentions for you. Do not ever try fuck-over mafia mum you will never ever get a second chance and remember she too has a family.
MOUSE Lovely and friendly will chat to anyone the only reason she nicknamed mouse is that she can be in a room full of all her friends behind her and she will not stand up for what is right. Mouse will have your back in the sense that is where she will hide.
PTA Unlikely to be seen mixing with playground riff raff (See glossary) PTA
SKY She is the real kind of mother earth, very talented and has mastered her talents for the sole purpose of benefiting her family and knowing how to live within family budget. Sky has strong beliefs and can voice her opinion well yet is not ridged in her views that she cannot see her life style is not the way for everyone.
WENDY (also known as single white female if your as old as me) Is someone who you befriend and bring into your circle that results in you being WENDIED. Once blinded by the Wendy rose glasses, Wendy will start taking over your friendships and manipulate your friends into excluding you by assonating your character to the point you are now Billy No Mates. You have been WENDIED. (link to blog post about Wendy to follow)