Twilight News

Was talking to Betty over the garden fence about Doris’s three roads down on the left about their next-door neighbours, friends sister, 2nd cousins Grandchild and you wouldn’t believe what has been going on in Twilight Town.

Lots of crime happening which of course was never a problem before these outsiders started moving here.  By the way ‘Free the Twilight ones’ T-Shirts can be purchased from any member of the Town Committee doesn’t matter which as they all related. Funds will help prop up the bar whilst discussing suing National Papers and Judge who sentenced them.

  • Tula has had their pebble stolen from garden,  this happened two years ago and the article is printed weekly in community news pamphlet as its important that Tula reminds people  even if your shed, car or yacht is stolen it will never trump the real victim of crime that is Tula.

This is when Betty drifts off from discussing very important matters and asked if I could pass over some  elastic she has sorted from  her sowing box as apparently a Miss Slag or Miss Slut keeps dropping their knickers and she has not had the time to catch up with plastergirl’s  Ex due to him moving on.

Twilight Town Siren is going off  (We rush into Bettys house to check the computer for the serious Twilight Alert that is why we have Town Siren)

Warning             Warning            Warning          Warning

Youfffs (youths) have been seen looking suspicious talking on public pathways outside my home, take care peeps, just remember Tula had pebble stolen.

Warning             Warning            Warning          Warning

Crystal here someone is knocking really loud on my door,  the postman has already been so I’m sat hiding upstairs in my bedroom.  Thankfully I locked all the doors, can someone check my kids are still eating their home made healthy flap jacks and not hiding it under the plate of spinach? thanks huns and stay safe huns xxxx.

Reports are coming in about a serious crash on main road, Paramedics and Fire Brigade at scene. So expect some delays.      Comment from Tula : Probably caused by the scum who stole my pebble can someone please check their pockets before they get airlifted to hospital.

Other Posts  :   Hi, I looking to move from a city as I’ve had enough of the open mind of people and fed up with the Culture differences that brings so much to the community, what is Twilight Town like?    100’s of comments : friendly, lovely real community spirit that is so welcoming that we love it and have lived here all our life that we never want to leave.

Ok folks thanks for joining us please remember that myself Cyril needs your votes in by Monday  we really need to pick a colour for the Dome we going to place over Twilight Town.

Betty suggests we need a Vodka to helps us digest all this shenanigans, I quickly make my excuse and say the hairdresser is coming at 10:30am as soon as I clocked that Betty pulled out the cheap vodka.

Well people must go hang the washing out as the sun is shining and Worzel likes to compile bonfire full of plastic stuff and other random stuff and I want to make sure he up to date on the Twilight news.



2 thoughts on “Twilight News

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  1. I hope that the riff raff fighting darling and not you. Please be alert of anyone with a white van, we have numerous reports of such suspicious vehicle. Obviously they are not lost and looking for a way out as everyone loooves Twilight Town.


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