Calamity’s Glossary

Not to be confused with Oxford Dictionary/ Thesaurus.   

This Glossary will be very important (I will try learn to link it to future posts).  This will save me having to explain every-time over and over about a certain person, event or thing each time.  Look at it as in the same way you tell yours kids ‘lets have a take-away treat’ rather than we getting a take out because I’d rather spend my time watching shit T.V. than stand in the kitchen sweating over another fucking meal.

This will be updated as I go along or when have time.

Baby-Group:    Disguised as ‘important social skills for newborn/toddler ’  It’s actually a dummy run for the years you will have to face of parent playground shit know as school runs.  Also great to check out what your future child minder is really like.

Crying It Out:    Self Soothe also has other pretentious names that I fail to remember, it’s where it’s acceptable to leave your very young tiny baby to cry and cry until eventually baby has exhausted itself.  As babies have to learn that mummy or daddy need their time and baby  can not  demand all their love and affection.  Eventually baby will learn that crying gets them nothing and the prolonged crying eventually becomes less and less.  If you have ever wondered, why friends DON’T confide in you when depressed or sad this is probably why.   

Julie              :    Hanger on, has no real input if any all, doesn’t even belong  in  the  misfit  category, the only reason why don’t  question if  Julie is real is because she always seems to appear breathing heavy behind you.  Have  you  ever suddenly woken  in  the  middle  of  the  night  and almost  peed yourself  before  realising  the  person  standing there just watching – looking at you with blank expression with  no sound or  movement  like some sort of possessed alien is in fact just your creepy child?…….. well that is what Julie is like.

Martha            :   Martha has been on the PTA for like forever, you will never ever replace Martha, please submit your professional  wholesome credentials of  all  family  members  (must  be full family set) to be considered for a place in her circle. Martha does like to be entertained  and certain clubs  are run where you to can learn the dance moves of sheep.

RTB               :    Resting Bitch Face   A  heredity gene  passed  down  through  generations  although  can affect  any  deranged parent.  It’s a facial expression that appears to show anger, rage, utter disgust and warning not to approach all   rolled into one.  Not all have the accompanying frown. Oh  fear not  people it actually the face of someone  who  zoned  out  on  lack  of  sleep  or drifted  into  their  own  world  of thought like wondering why the fuck they been  feeding a wild mouse & million of babies and not the bastard hamster that they thought they had caught escaping from cage

I have many more to         come I.e : Wendy/Wended, Skylark, NCT, Vodka, Jam-Maker, pyramid bot  and a few sites which worth a visit and which ones not to.  

N.B. I have no time for spelling and grammar police, its a blog not the telegraph and FFS don’t ever fucking HUN me.  

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